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A Foundation of Support: Hayley Gough's story
Hayley Gough shares her family's story and explains how the Blues Foundation's Armed Forces group has become an invaluable source of support following the loss of her partner, Lance.
2026-11-06T14:00+00:00
The Birmingham City FC Foundation’s Armed Forces Veterans Programme supports Blues supporters connected to the military, whether they are serving personnel, veterans or families of those who have served.
Coordinated by Tony Watts, a 30-year RAF veteran, his weekly sessions have proved a lifeline for many Blues fans who have found a sense of community at the group.
Hayley is a regular at the Armed Forces group, so much so that she now volunteers at the Community Hub several days a week. Read about her family’s story below, and how the Foundation has provided a support network for her.
“When a member of your family is in the Armed Forces, you all are. Even if you become part of that family after they have served, you are still very much in that circle. Dealing with the after-effects of service are just as devasting as the trauma of waiting at home whilst tours take place. I met Lance three years after he left the rifles, which he always said was his biggest regret. He was always an army man.
“We went from us two, to a family of four in a whirlwind. I’ll never forget Lance’s reaction to finding out the gender of our first – a boy named Riley – who is his clone. He is his dad; from the films he likes to the food he eats. Then came Elliey, the one who could never do any wrong. Lance was a six-foot-something Army man, but around Elliey he was mush. He was always the fun parent.
“The life we had with Lance was worlds apart from his former; Northern Ireland followed by two years in Iraq. We saw his struggles daily. His mental health would change on a sixpence, and it felt like his only medicine was his children. But no matter how good the good the days were – the days at the Blues, the holidays, the daft dancing with them, they didn’t compare to the bad days. Lance took his own life on Thursday 13 February 2020.
“With two young children, it is hard to put across what has happened. On the day before his funeral, Riley asked why he had to say goodbye to his dad. I have to show Elliey videos regularly of her and her dad being silly together as she worries she’ll forget his voice. The only way we survive every day is through our support networks – this is grief no family deserves.
“Lance made so many memories with the kids down the Blues. It’s a system of support that I hadn’t even considered. I was introduced to Tony and his Armed Forces group at the Foundation, and straightaway you’re surrounded by people who understand, who listen and speak without judgement, as they know the deep-rooted reasons for why we are part of the group. There is a sense of belonging for us all, and as the children grow and understand more, they feel this belonging more.
“This is Lance’s boyhood club, and it’s the kids’ too. Through this group we have been able to give them some incredible experiences – whether it’s walking round the pitch chatting to other military families, or them walking out with the players for a matchday – Elliey said it was the best thing she has ever done. For children that have had so much taken from them, to give them an experience like that means so much more.
“I want to raise them both the way Lance would have wanted them to be raised, and he’d have wanted them both to be proper Bluenoses! There are no easy days, just easier days, and the days we spend with Tony and the Armed Forces group are certainly easier days. I now volunteer with the Foundation, and if I can help just one family with the grieving process, then all the hours are worthwhile. Because of the Foundation, our family is much bigger than I ever knew.”
The Birmingham City FC Foundation Armed Forces group meet every Tuesday at the Community Hub in Emmeline Street. If you, or anyone you know would benefit from attending a session, please contact Tony.Watts@bcfc.com
Op ASCEND is a free, government‑backed employment service for UK armed forces veterans, their families, and employers, delivered by the Forces Employment Charity to help people transition into civilian careers with tailored support. To sign-up call 0121 262 3058.
If you are affected by this story, or have experienced suicidal thoughts, Samaritans offers a free, confidential service available 24 hours a day. Call 116 123.
SSAFA can help provide practical, financial and emotional support for service personnel, veterans and their families. The Forcesline can be reached on 0800 260 6780.
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The Birmingham City FC Foundation’s Armed Forces Veterans Programme supports Blues supporters connected to the military, whether they are serving personnel, veterans or families of those who have served.
Coordinated by Tony Watts, a 30-year RAF veteran, his weekly sessions have proved a lifeline for many Blues fans who have found a sense of community at the group.
Hayley is a regular at the Armed Forces group, so much so that she now volunteers at the Community Hub several days a week. Read about her family’s story below, and how the Foundation has provided a support network for her.
“When a member of your family is in the Armed Forces, you all are. Even if you become part of that family after they have served, you are still very much in that circle. Dealing with the after-effects of service are just as devasting as the trauma of waiting at home whilst tours take place. I met Lance three years after he left the rifles, which he always said was his biggest regret. He was always an army man.
“We went from us two, to a family of four in a whirlwind. I’ll never forget Lance’s reaction to finding out the gender of our first – a boy named Riley – who is his clone. He is his dad; from the films he likes to the food he eats. Then came Elliey, the one who could never do any wrong. Lance was a six-foot-something Army man, but around Elliey he was mush. He was always the fun parent.
“The life we had with Lance was worlds apart from his former; Northern Ireland followed by two years in Iraq. We saw his struggles daily. His mental health would change on a sixpence, and it felt like his only medicine was his children. But no matter how good the good the days were – the days at the Blues, the holidays, the daft dancing with them, they didn’t compare to the bad days. Lance took his own life on Thursday 13 February 2020.
“With two young children, it is hard to put across what has happened. On the day before his funeral, Riley asked why he had to say goodbye to his dad. I have to show Elliey videos regularly of her and her dad being silly together as she worries she’ll forget his voice. The only way we survive every day is through our support networks – this is grief no family deserves.
“Lance made so many memories with the kids down the Blues. It’s a system of support that I hadn’t even considered. I was introduced to Tony and his Armed Forces group at the Foundation, and straightaway you’re surrounded by people who understand, who listen and speak without judgement, as they know the deep-rooted reasons for why we are part of the group. There is a sense of belonging for us all, and as the children grow and understand more, they feel this belonging more.
“This is Lance’s boyhood club, and it’s the kids’ too. Through this group we have been able to give them some incredible experiences – whether it’s walking round the pitch chatting to other military families, or them walking out with the players for a matchday – Elliey said it was the best thing she has ever done. For children that have had so much taken from them, to give them an experience like that means so much more.
“I want to raise them both the way Lance would have wanted them to be raised, and he’d have wanted them both to be proper Bluenoses! There are no easy days, just easier days, and the days we spend with Tony and the Armed Forces group are certainly easier days. I now volunteer with the Foundation, and if I can help just one family with the grieving process, then all the hours are worthwhile. Because of the Foundation, our family is much bigger than I ever knew.”
The Birmingham City FC Foundation Armed Forces group meet every Tuesday at the Community Hub in Emmeline Street. If you, or anyone you know would benefit from attending a session, please contact Tony.Watts@bcfc.com
Op ASCEND is a free, government‑backed employment service for UK armed forces veterans, their families, and employers, delivered by the Forces Employment Charity to help people transition into civilian careers with tailored support. To sign-up call 0121 262 3058.
If you are affected by this story, or have experienced suicidal thoughts, Samaritans offers a free, confidential service available 24 hours a day. Call 116 123.
SSAFA can help provide practical, financial and emotional support for service personnel, veterans and their families. The Forcesline can be reached on 0800 260 6780.
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